the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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