What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
