When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
