In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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