i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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