Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
