my vag is so smooth its legendary
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
