Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
