just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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