I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
