What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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