come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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