I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
