Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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