I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
