Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
