I want to stick my p in your. b.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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