I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
