I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
