Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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