OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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