Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
