I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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