I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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