The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
