Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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