I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
