Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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