you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
