you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
