you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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