Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
