$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
