i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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