Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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