New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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