Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
