the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
