Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
