Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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