I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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