So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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