i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
try to milk me bitch
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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