I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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