I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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