are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
