1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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