Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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