if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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