lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
