my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
