I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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