I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
