remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
