I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
