Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
