his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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