So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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