Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
